The LURVE issue

Oh well... I thought it's time to write on a topic like that, after bottling up emotions for the past year or so. Let's start off with a song which I love (one of my favourite songs in my iPod)

等待
我随时随地在等待
做你感情上的依赖
我没有任何的疑问
这是爱
我猜
你早就想要说明白
我觉得自己好失败
从天堂掉落到深渊
多无奈
我愿意改变 (what can I do?)
重新再来一遍(just give me change)
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深
叫我怎么能收手
但你说
I only want to be your friend
做个朋友
我在
你心中只是just a friend
不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
So I
我不能只是be your friend
I just can't be your friend
no,no,no,
我不能只是做你的朋友
不能只是做普通朋友

July was the month of emo-ness. As we step down from our CCAs and dive into school work and as we brace with each other for the final ride to the Big A's, we start to feel the nostalgia, we feel the sadness that the beautiful story is coming to an end. For the couples, its a test of love. Things change as the fate of both individuals set to change with futures hanging on a tight rope. It's now or never, my girl/boyfriend or my books (or both.. the best outcome). Personally, I hope couples that I know will survive this round, you guys have come this far. Hang in there! Disappointing as I learnt about break-ups between A**** and K*******, a pair which looked good right from the start and both put effort in maintaining it. Makes me envy them sometimes...

Coincidentally, July also happens to be the month which the youth fellowship have themed-talks on relationships (BGR, marriage) - for youth fellowship, BGR is obviously of the greater concern. First Pastor Albey talked about, how love should be like, rather than defining the rules of love. A few things that really hit into me. He said our love should reflect our love for God. They way which we portray our love in this modern world, very much reflects our love for God. I mean, it makes sense, if we don't even know how to love a physical human being that stands right in front of us, alive, how can we expect to love God? Someone who is supernatural, someone who can't be seen, but yet his power is beyond our greatest imagination. Another point that struck me, that when we start loving, or at least think you like the person, don't ask what he/she can do for you, but what you can do for him/her. It sounds like some JFK quote that "don't ask what the country can do for you, but what you can do for your country"... but it's true isn't it. Love in its purest form should be not be selfish and self-centred. So start thinking of other before ourselves. [This reminds me of the Josephian Pledge "to be man of integrity and man for others"]

So what's with the song? I like this song because it describes the "loser" in a relationship. We have been much flooded by the idol dramas that there will always be "winners" and no "losers" when it comes to love and relationships as we will grow in terms of emotional maturity and view life with a much more enhanced lens, seeing through all the complexities and what-nots. Personally, there are losers when it comes to relationships, and more particularly, the silent losers. Those that stand at the sidelines and face the whole process alone just to ensure others around him are not affected. (I think this is too "cheaply" described, I'm very sure that there are so much more complexities when it comes to this) I admire such courage and such capacity of individuals who can really bottle such emotions up. And those scenes which we always remember from our idol-drama series, the parts where one of the lead just stepped out to allow another pair to come together, turns around and leaves with a fading and fainting smile before breaking into tears. Awww...

This song partly describes my feelings... or at least I guess so. But the "competitor" is strong. And I look up to this competitor for his charisma and perhaps... his softer side. It reminds me of what Ms Shawna Lim asked when she was talking to the group of guys from NYP with me. She said: Why you guys are so rowdy and loud? How to expect a girl like you like that?!? It set me to reflect. But the answer is simple, guys only reveal softer sides to the girl he likes. That's to make the girl feel that she is much more exclusive to him. The underlying message is simple: You're important to me. That really explains why I am silent, soft, patient and apologetic... it's not hard to observe.

Changed-men. Recently, I witness many character changes. I saw how Reuben transformed from this crazy fella with some heck-care attitude to someone who is really meticulous and caring. Like with Wenjia, one of the prettiest girls in the school... obviously have to tone things down a bit. Wenjia can be as crazy as him, but they look... compatible! haha. Then there was Junlong, whose brother was notoriously known as the cassanova (okay.. no sex involved...) way back in 04-05 as he flirted with other girls even when he was with one of the prettiest girls in the school, Maxine. Junlong started off as someone who seemed like to flirt around a lot... and even landed himself into some big trouble when he spoke something about IP ppl that ultimately cost him a place in HAT. I watched him grew through the Floorball trainings and how his character changed in becoming a much more down-to-earth and dedicated individual (to the CCA at least.. not very sure about council). He did expressed some resentments about council, but I think he is looking at this really maturely and taking things really well. But obviously why not when Yuexi (apparently one of the prettier girls among his cohort) is in council? HAHAHA. But this guy really got some style man, I like the way he treats people, like walking her over to the other side of the bus stop and seeing her leave before crossing back to wait for his bus. It's the simple things that count and I like him that way (much better than his brother...)

Recently, I watched the movie (大城小事) by Leon Lai and Faye Wong. Even though it is already the third time I'm watching it, but I still love it a lot. It puts a very traditional context into relationships of Chinese who are living in one of the fastest growing metropolis in the world. Simply love it! Really wanted to watch it again and again. Perhaps next time, with somebody... haha.

Last Thoughts: Sometimes, it's too little too late. Or it was never meant to be? If it was never meant to be, then it wouldn't have been "late" in the first place...

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